Driveway Reflections - Vol. 1, No. 1

Scene of the Crime

Fear

Welcome to Driveway Reflections. The idea for this blog came while I was walking down my driveway – a good time to reflect without any distractions. More about that later… If this post resonates with you, please reach out!

In my coaching practice, Answers Within, I often dig into the emotional domain. What does this mean? Fear, for example, is an emotion that many leaders must learn to navigate as they contemplate and put into action professional moves that may feel risky or a stretch but ultimately will help them achieve their goals. This isn’t the kind of fear that comes from outside stimuli but rather a deep, internal place. Coaching conversations can often provoke greater access to a client’s emotional range while enhancing self-awareness and social awareness. I collaborate with clients as they observe and examine their behavior around fear and provide support and resources.

Fear comes in many shades -- a fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of change, fear of embarrassment, fear of rejection.  At some point in our lives, we all experience these “fear flavors.” I am feeling many of them right now, palpably, as I write this.

Fear is one of our biggest saboteurs. It can undermine us - you know the nagging voice in your head convincing you that you are not smart, talented, or savvy enough to navigate the ambiguity and uncertainty of life - or you are not good enough to put yourself out there and share your thoughts/expertise with a greater audience.

Many of us are naturally wired as risk-averse, conflict avoidant, or hyper-focused on “doing it right”, further amplifying the fear that prevents us from whatever leap of faith is required to get to the next step. Transitioning to a new career path or starting a business, for example, can be terrifying. At the same time, we know at least in our intellectual mind, that we are built for adaptation – resilience and grit – which has served us well in the past. And yet, that knowing can often fall short in quieting our inner-most doubts.

 Overcoming Fear

I recently conquered a fear that had been building for months. I walked down my driveway and it was a big deal. You might ask why something so mundane could be considered a significant achievement. Well, about a year ago, I fell hard in my driveway resulting in a compound ankle fracture, dislocated foot, surgery and months of rehab. Even now, recalling the experience makes my body twinge with nausea. It has been a slow recovery process. After five months of elevation, in a cast and then a boot, I was strong enough to resume daily walks - but the driveway, with its steep winding curve - remained an obstacle. The fear was so intense that I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to walk it again. In dire need of exercise and as a short-term solution, I began driving down to the flat road at the bottom and walking from there. I realized that while I may have bounced back physically, recovering from the psychological trauma was going to be a much longer process. This acceptance that I needed more time gave me the space to breathe, navigate my fear, and manage expectations.

Another six months went by before I was ready to abandon the car. While I am now walking down the driveway, it’s still scary and I am forced to go very slow around that curve. going one small step at a time, but I’m doing it. The fear of falling is not gone but significantly diminished. It has moved to the part of my brain where it feels more manageable and less debilitating. Bringing more mindfulness (awareness) to the walking has also helped, noticing how my feet feel in tightly laced sneakers as they hit the pavement, toe and then heel, has instilled more confidence and steadiness. I’ve had to build back trust in my body which I learned is ultimately an emotional challenge rather than a physical one. My renewed independence has been worth the risk though. Taking my time, along with small steps (literally) made the difference.

In Part 2 of Driveway Reflections… I will discuss Resilience and Healing from Loss and some lessons learned during my healing process.